Welcome to The Grid

...and now for something completely different

You may or may not be aware that the Formula 1 season just recently started.

Additionally, you should be aware by now that I’m obsessed with Formula 1¹, so let’s play a fun game to celebrate with a post so long that you have to read it on the app:

F1 Team ↔ KPop Group²

I don’t know if I’m recommending teams based on k-pop groups, or k-pop groups based on teams. I guess it’s really more of a two-way street.

McLaren ↔ P1Harmony

Incredibly sinister, evil and orange³

They love that g.d. papaya, so you know my gut instinct was neo got my back. Those little green NCT bitches you see at every concert. Evvvvvuhr. The only group who loves their color as much as McLaren loves papaya. It could be the london philharmonic and you’re gonna see a NeoBong⁴

But …..the recent NCT controversy, look I don’t like Zak Brown, but he hasn’t done anything on that level that I know of, so that’s rough, it’s a rough comparison⁵. (sorry, nctizens)

And then I thought, maybe, I mean Hattie Piastri’s ult is TXT.

but is that truly the McLaren vibe. My sister and I have different ults, I can’t just assume that, I should know better.

I think what the vibe is, is P1Harmony. If you’re already into F1 and P1Harmony you cannot tell me that Keeho⁶ wouldn’t be one of the little McLaren boys (frick, frack, and the Other One⁷)

Here’s P1Harmony’s setlist from their most recent tour. Are you seeing the vision. It’s Hot Topic edgy. It’s underdogs on their way up. It’s not understanding that you are a celebrity now.

Ferrari ↔ Girl’s Generation

Historic, lore-ful, they have a Persona. The persona is, tragically, more expensive than I can afford.

⁸

And then they go and do maybe the dumbest thing you’ve seen, strategy-wise. OFTEN.⁹

Like SM does.

Which is why I think they’d be like this 🤞with Girl’s Generation. “The Nation’s Girl Group” and Italy’s second largest religion. Jessica’s messy departure, Carlos’ messy departure. I am sure that there is more if we really start looking.

There’s also, you would be hard pressed to find a girl in Korea who wants to be an idol or is an idol who hasn’t covered Into The New World

and well…

Same same but different.

Do I think Mr. I-Compose-Piano-Music-Based-On-My-Races and XNDA would listen to Girl’s Generation?

Well, no. That’s not the point of this list.

BUT! SNSD has some bangers¹⁰ and I think Ferrari fans need some bubblegum pop¹¹¹². Even if SNSD is “on hiatus¹³” they have enough music for you to keep listening to them.

Red Bull Racing ↔BTS

…..im trying to be nice¹⁴

And also we knew this was coming. Someone was gonna be BTS. If I was making this like 6 or 7 years ago, Mercedes might be the BTS team, but given what I’ve learned about brocedes, I don’t think BTS was dysfunctional enough =.=

BTS always and Red Bull right now both occupy that space of “oh, you are new and you googled ‘kpop group/f1 team’ and they popped up because they win a lot”

That’s not to say they’re not good at what they do! Obviously they are, ᵗʰᵉʸ ʷᶦⁿ …ᴀʟʟ…. ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ.

And the BTS songs I have listened to/media I have observed does feel like they match Red Bull in that sometimes they are very serious and sometimes they are whatever it is that their social media team is cooking up. It feels like a lot of…fan service =.= It’s an interesting strategy that you don’t often see outside of k-pop.

Mercedes ↔ SEVENTEEN

My little bug boys¹⁵

Is Mercedes Seventeen?

I think Mercedes is Seventeen. I don't think any other team could be Seventeen.

they're trying to be all edgy with their black and silver, and Maestro.

but unfortunately, you are skibidy baku my dudes aju nice horanghae.¹⁶¹⁷

You are not intimidating anyone.

Aston Martin ↔ (G)I-DLE

I don’t know if I can really explain this one. I think Neverlands who survived Soojin being ousted will be able to deal with the hatred(?) Aston Martin gets.

Like. You will never find me rooting for Lance Stroll, however, I can recognize that there are some vitriolic ass bitches out there that like yes boo your rival drivers, but thanks to the magic of Drive to Survive you can kind of watch Lance lose interest in the sport, so that’s kind of rough¹⁸

And then also the (g)i-dle discography is gen Z c*nty, which is fitting for a team that employs Fernando Alonso.

Alpine ↔ aespa

……🫵talmo.

So I suppose it has to be Aespa.

ok but actually, I love aespa, please remember that as I say this. I literally went to the concert of the set list I just linked and almost cried when they started playing Hold on Tight, made a damn fool of myself in the nosebleeds with the lamest seatmates, ok? Ok!

aespa can sometimes be a little millennial cringe. …Pierre can sometimes (often)((most of the time)) be a little millennial cringe. But they have good stylists (=.= most of the time). so, …talmo🤝.

Haas ↔ ATEEZ/xikers

A step-father and his new son that he’s trying very hard for.

Which I feel gets Haas a double rec. The step-father is Ateez, the son is Xikers.

I really hesitated to assign any of these teams groups that I would consider in my top tier¹⁹²⁰. But it’s the dynamic of Haas that does require it to be both.

Because, like, last year…… I don’t know who I would’ve assigned to the haasbands, btob maybe, i dunno²¹.

This year, though, we’ve got a track terror, Esteban Ocon and a driver I hope he turns into his protege, Ollie Bearman. Like, I would love if Estie taught Ollie how to fight on track and how to defend really well in that tractor, and I really don’t want Esteban to treat Ollie like he treated Pierre²²

So, I’m kinda manifesting here. Because , to my knowledge, Ateez loves their juniors. And I think the combined energy of Atiny and Roady we can bring both Haas drivers into the points on a regular basis.

Also, both Ateez and Xikers are big on noise music that I assume that F1 fans would appreciate²³

Red Bull Sugar Free ↔ TXT

Sorry, Hattie.

But if Red Bull is for the BTS fans, it stands to reason that Visa Cash App Toro Rosso Alpha Tauri Racing Bulls RB would be the other Big Hit group: Tomorrow X Together.

I think it also fits because TXT has kind of a mellower sound than BTS started with and VCARB definitely has a more low-key vibe than their senior team.

well, most of the time anyway²⁴²⁵.

Williams ↔ RESCENE

Williams has drivers that are very good at social media and a team principal who….is not²⁶

I also, for no reason at all, get kinda summer-y vibes from them. The kind of summer vibes that the post-new jeans y2k girl groups give off.

That combination, of weird/poor management and summer vibes led me to Rescene. They’re a solidly medium popular group who is probably underrated and they do the fun summer-y twinkle-y sound very well.

Sauber ↔ ITZY

Sauber is another team that I mostly know from social media, partially because their social media team has got it on lock, but also because, well. They were never really on a part of the track last year that was being covered.

If you’re gonna root for Sauber, you have to be resourceful and able to mentally withstand a potential repeat of last season²⁷

Itzy fans have that mental strength, I think.

And similarly to my Williams baseless vibe check, Sauber with their black and neon green are the perfect fit for girl crush edgy Itzy.

---

At the end of the day, if you are here because you like k-pop, F1 is probably the sport that will scratch that gacha game itch that I know you have.

And if you are here because you like F1, open your heart to whimsy.

1. I made this primer for my parents for christmas

2. in 2024 constructors championship order, you can’t accuse me of favoritism yet (let’s see how these recs shake out first)

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5. You Know Who Deserves That Comparison! christian horner that gross snivelly disgusting man

6. "girl, that’s a white wall”

7. patooo🦆

8. side note: why has this alcohol brand dressed charles like a lesbian

9. "these are not new inters, ricky” “maybe it’s the water” ALL OF 2022

10. understatement of the century

11. it’s me, im the ferrari fan

12.

13. because one of the questionable sm strategies is never disbanding groups

14. “it takes you that long to find it?”

IT DOES

15. george russell is like 6 1

16. they should invite hoshi to the paddock, I just know that george would hit the horanghae with a Quickness

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18. rough with the knowledge that you have like a billion dollar inheritance which is why my empathy only goes so far

19. my top tier is Billllie, Red Velvet, Stray Kids, Ateez. These are the groups I am trying to have a complete physical discography for, these are groups I am knocking off of my ‘see in concert list,’ these are groups that I have and would consider doing fansigns for even though i cannot comport myself around celebrities

20. and it felt unobjective, because then it'd be like if you like ferrari you should listen to billlie/billlie fans should follow ferrari because _i_ like billlie and ferrari most. ok sure yeah totally unbiased 🙄.

21. the joke is that nico and kevin are old and btob is an upper limit 3rd gen group aka Old

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23. nothing encourages speeding tickets like noise music

24. i am so nervous about yuki getting promoted to the red bull seat because of lawson’s difficulty with handling the car and he’s gonna get thrown to the wolves and not be able to get a contract for 2026

25. you were supposed to be my fun bonus driver that i didnt worry about

26. in my opinion. In My Opinion. i hate ol’ jimmy consonants, no chin having ass, We All Know Logan Was Not Good. yourcarwasalsoass. why do you Keep talking about him. why did you tell the press that people cheered when you announced carlos sainz. what’s wrong with you! Who raised you!

27. although right now it looks like, uh, talmo are gonna be taking up that mantle.